Fear of Fallen Pedestals

Man on Pedestal

Image by Ashtonian54 via Flickr (btw, this is NOT the guy in the post, just an image Zemanta gave me)

So, there’s this guy…

(Ladies, raise your hand if you have started a story like that before?   If you haven’t, look to your left and to your right.  Guaranteed one of the ladies on either side of you has.)

…I won’t go into the whole story at the moment about said guy because that will be a great story for another day if/when we actually get involved in a relationship (we are not currently together, nor have we been in the past.  – ‘I did not have sexual relations…’  Hahaha, anyone else think of Clinton there?)  I kid you not, this is the kind of story that would make a great and unique romance movie.  Producers and Screenwriters please contact me for more details.  😛

What I do wish to talk about is how I think this guy may be The One.  Oh lord.  Even saying it now it sounds so cliché.  It’s possible he is, but with so many factors involved it’s also possible that he isn’t.  Nevertheless, the thought crosses my mind more often than not because I’m a woman and we love to torture ourselves by obsessing over the ‘what ifs’ of the world.

If he is The One, then that would be great because I’ve waited long enough in general and more specifically for him.  From my perspective it would be good timing for both of us.  BUT – and there is a but – if he is The One, that thought scares the bejesus (such a kooky word) out of me because that means I have lifted him up on a pedestal.

The same kind of pedestal that I lifted the others onto.

The others.  You know, the ones who came before him who showed up on my doorstep with all the right signs of serendiptatiousness.  The ones who, for however brief a time, I thought had what it took to be The One.  I was so sure about each one of them.  But they all came tumbling down.  One.  By.  One.  So what if I hoist him up there and he falls down too?  I don’t know how many more of these falling pedestals I can get out from under.

And if he isn’t The One?  That scares me too and two-fold.  One because it may ruin our long running friendship and I can’t imagine my life without him.  And two because that means I’d have to start all the way at the bottom of the ladder again to find someone worthy enough to build a pedestal for.

Basically there’s a whole lotta fear going on up in here (pointing and swirling hand around brain).  I want it to be him.  I do.  He accepts my weaknesses and strengthens them, always makes me smile and we are practically opposites in most things so life with him would never be boring (which is a benefit for my Gemini mind as it needs constant mental stimulation).  And my parents actually like him, which would make life easier.  There are many other reasons, but again I’ll save the nitty gritty for another day.

So whether he is or he isn’t, I will have to face my fears.  It has been a very long time since I let myself be this vulnerable.  Let’s hope I remember how…


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