A Complicated Conundrum

I remember sitting in the guidance counselor’s office of my high school pouring through a very large book of scholarships for college. Yes, a BOOK, those things we had to use to look up info prior to the internet. I was not having much success finding any for my skill set. I wasn’t a star athlete, I wasn’t a minority (with the exception of being left handed), I wasn’t part of some group like the Daughters of the Amer. Revolution. I had a GPA well over 3.0 but that wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t rich but I wasn’t financially needy by their standards either.

I suddenly came to the disheartening realization that despite feeling smart, confident and unique, on paper I appeared merely average. I didn’t win any scholarships despite my research (hence all the student loans) and that disheartening feeling I felt…I’m just now realizing that it is still lingering with me.

With the numerous job paths I’ve wanted to go on – writer, flight attendant, English teacher (in a better job and different country), etc – I always felt like I had exactly what it took to be good at the job, but didn’t think that others would see what I have to offer because on paper, I am merely average. I excel in interviews, I just need them to notice my resume to get face time.

This applies to my love life as well I’m sure. The guys I have been and am now interested in, I don’t know how to make them see how amazing I can be or how much I can offer them in life. I see it, but do they?

I suppose this is how I ended up as a Spanish speaking, salsa dancing, blonde American living in Korea. I became obsessed with being different. Following a path of normalcy is not an option for me. I love that my life is no longer average, I am just surprised that this desire to be different stemmed from a scholarship search.

This is my complicated conundrum. I have the confidence a woman in her 30s should have, I just don’t know how to make others see it on first impression.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tracy
    Feb 22, 2012 @ 10:59:41

    I applaud you for your vulnerability and honesty! I think it would be hard to show how great and complex you are on a first date, or even a second. That can only come through much exposure. Also, All your talents and interests might be intimidating if presented all at once – most people are not as full of life as you are :). Maybe just letting out hints of your coolness will keep guys intrigued.
    As for work, I’m convinced resumes don’t mean anything. The key is getting an introduction. The people who know you best will be able to testify to how competent you are for the job even if your resume doesn’t say so.
    Hope that helps, and that I’m not being too mom-like!


    • Tiffani
      Feb 25, 2012 @ 02:15:39

      Nope, not mom like at all! I appreciate it. 🙂 I agree resumes don’t mean much these days, but it can be a little hard when you are applying to jobs not in the same country. LOL We need to move on to video resumes or something like that! hahaha Have a lovely weekend and keep writing!


  2. hartsoffice
    Mar 16, 2012 @ 13:10:23

    The way it has worked for me is that I do what is valuable and just stop bothering with people who cannot or will not see the value. I have been surrounded by negativity in all of my ventures away from mediocrity. It is a lonely road, and not cool-sexy-lonely like the movies…just actually lonely, but I think…and really hope…that when I have had more success that there will be like minded people there to hang out with.


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